You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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