The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
