It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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