Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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