She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
