I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
