there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
