She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
