Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
