I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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