I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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