6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
