youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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