it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
