I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize