Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
