The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
