Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
