Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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