I wish my penis had an off switch
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
