So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
