I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
