Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
