His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
