I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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