Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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