Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
