Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
