My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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