he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am spending my child support on dildos
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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