he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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