i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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