she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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