I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
