Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
