I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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