bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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