Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
