help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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