I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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