worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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