i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
