Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My cat gives me a boner
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
