tell your sister to shave her snatch
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
