I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
