we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am available for nakedness
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
