youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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