So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
