When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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