Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
