he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
