Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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