Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
