you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
