She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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