Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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