3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
