the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
