I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
