So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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