There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So vagazzling was a success
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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