life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize