How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize