But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
