please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
