The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
